SURVIVING A LOSS

Udom John Udom (U.J.U) is a young man in his early 30s. He is a Lawyer, Pastor and Businessman. A little over a year ago, he was engaged to be married but somehow, his fiancee was violently murdered by some unknown gunmen just about three months to their wedding. How did he feel then? How was he able to survive? Read to find out answers to these questions and more.

BST: May we meet you

U.J.U: My name is Udom John Udom, I come from Oruk Anam Local Government Area of Akwa Ibom state. I am the first son and second child in my family. I practice law by profession, I pastor a church (Christ Believers’ Church) in Victoria Island, Lagos, and I also do one or two businesses. I was born on October 4 1981. My hobbies are travelling and watching football.

BST: Tell us how you got born again

U.J.U: I have been in the faith, can I say right from when I was  born. I was so fortunate to be born into a family that my mum was completely born again, so because I was close to her, I had no choice than to be born again. So right from when I came to the knowledge of good  and bad I have always been in the faith. Though during my adolescent years I used to go astray but the most important thing is that I have always been in the faith

BST: that means you’ve had to rededicate your life to Christ?

U.J.U: yes, rededication has come up from time to time. Most times, when I’ve gone astray, when I feel I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing, when I don’t study the word, pray, at the end of the day, I just feel it is necessary for me to rededicate my life. But by God’s special grace, I’m still in the faith.

BST: What is your vision in life and what are your core values?

U.J.U: I’ll start by talking about my vision. By God’s special grace, I am a pastor. I specifically have a vision of raising a prayer tower. I am primarily called into the ministry of intercession. I really have a vision of raising a prayer tower that men will be praying 24hrs everyday for different nations, persons and different communities. In the same vision I also envision a situation whereby I and my beloved wife will go into the medical world. I want a situation whereby we will have hospitals where people will be treated free of charge and medical services will be provided for people. Anybody who feels he or she is frustrated as a result of his or her sickness can come over there and in the prayer tower we will be able to take care of this person, help the person pay the fees, so that at the end of the day if the person is going to die, he or she can die a good death, not hopelessly. He or she will make it to the kingdom of God. So that is the vision I have been pursuing and I look forward to dedicating it very soon.

So primarily, God told me raise me a prayer tower about 15 years ago and give me 100% of your Isaac .it’s just of recent that I’ve decided to stop for some time, actually, every Friday  I’ve always had Prayer tower vigils, waiting on the Lord till Saturday and sometimes I and my partners in Nigeria come together. So basically my work is to pray.

BST: And your values?

U.J.U: I go for the value of mercy so much. I believe in everything that has to do with mercy. I believe one can fall, after falling one can rise again. I believe in forgiveness, I forgive easily. Everything about me starts  with mercy and ends with mercy. I have other values such as integrity, honesty and others, but for me, mercy is it.

BST: you are a lawyer, pastor and businessman, what would you say has helped you achieve much?

U.J.U: prayer and favour. Basically it’s just the gift of favour and I know I spend some time in praying.

BST: tell us how your late fiancée died.

U.J.U: It was a very pathetic situation. It happened during the Easter period of 2011. Her name was Gifted, we had agreed to move ahead as at that April to the extent that I told my younger sister to pay her family a visit in order to familiarize herself with the family that I was going to go into in no distant time.

I was in the office when she sent a text message to me which I still have on my phone. She precisely said “if God wants me to be the mother of your children, wife, I think I have no option than to do that.” When I got the text, I called her and we laughed over it. 5 minutes time, she went out to get some fruits, in the course of exchanging her money to get the fruits, some hired assassins shot her from a short range. She slumped and they fired the second and third bullets at her. My sister was there but she was so fortunate because the bullets almost caught her. Everybody ran away and there was no one to help

She was later taken to Port Harcourt where a miracle happened: after the bullets were removed from her breast, she said she wanted to make two statements, that she would have been in heaven but something stopped her from making it to the kingdom of God. The  first was that a friend of hers offended her while in medical school. Though afterward the lady came to plead with her, she forgave her, but not completely. So she was told to come back to the world and of course seek for mercy by telling the lady that she had been forgiven.

Secondly, she asked them to inform me that the marriage can’t work, that I should accept things the way they are and move on with my life. That was all, a couple of minutes later, she gave up the ghost.

BST: How did you feel then?

U.J.U: I think first of all, I was not just confused, I was almost in a coma. My health deteriorated and I could not coordinate myself anymore. This is because Gifted was so precious to me, more or less like my younger sister. She was calm, gentle, understanding and she loved the vision I conceived and was ready to run with it. She was just everything a young man would desire. So when the ugly incident happened, I felt I had come to the end of the world. I bless God that I have come out of that shock, I’m pursuing other things for the growth of the ministry and I’m strong once again.

BST: Did you at anytime feel that God was unfair at that time?

Not at all. I felt that maybe the devil doesn’t want me to get the best. That was my feeling because I had been in one or two relationships before and that was the best relationship I have ever found myself. I found myself with a woman who was not materialistic, who understands and loves you for who you are and a woman who loved work. She kept asking “are you at work, how have you been ale to help the organization aspire higher?” She was not demanding, never talked to me recklessly, so I just felt I was shortchanged by the devil. But I had hope that I would definitely get out of it and be strong once again.

BST: how did the loss affect your dream?

U.J.U: It was like a distortion. It was as if the dream we had came to an end. Before the ugly incident, we had agreed to start to start something the following month, so when it happened, the time-table was distorted. The plans came to a hold, whereas the vision or the dream was still on.

BST: what was your survival strategy?

U.J.U: It was basically thee Word of God. I took solace in the passage that says David encouraged himself in the Lord. I was able to hold unto that word, put it into practice and it worked for me at the end of the day.

BST: what one thing did you learn from the incident?

U.J.U: I learned that I need to be prepared, that death could happen to anybody, anybody. We never envisaged death for the next forty years, but it came earlier so it means one has to be prepared when it comes, to meet his master.  It also challenged me to work harder and also realize that I don’t have the whole time here in this world. I’m happy she died a good death; she is resting in the bosom of the Lord Jesus Christ.

BST: Are you into another relationship?

U.J.U: Though that is personal, but I’ve made up my mind that before the end of this year I’ll be a married man, I’m so sure, I’m very sure. It might be in a month, two months time, but I’m so sure I’ll be married.

BST: Your advice to the young man or woman who is hurting?

U.J.U: they should take solace in the Lord, forge ahead with their life. I’m not saying you shouldn’t mourn, but there should be a limit to that. Just move ahead with your life and ask God what he wants you to do. Do it very well, learn from the past, and move on with your life.

HOW TO WAIT FOR THAT PROMISE

Life is in phases and seasons. Occasionally, it takes a while to cross from one phase to another and the next season just may be delayed for reasons you and I can’t really decipher. At this time we are forced to wait for and expect the best.

Have you been told to wait for that admission, job, promotion, spouse, project, business, breakthrough or whatever promise God gave to you and you are asking “how on earth do I wait?” Here’s how.

ADOPT THE RIGHT ATTITUDE. Most things we get or don’t get in life are determined by our attitude. If God has told you to wait for that promise, then know it is for your own good for with God, promise delayed is not promise denied. Brace up and know that the waiting period is working out his plans for you. You must not allow depression, desperation, despair, sorrow, sadness etc to become your associates, rather let joy flood your heart and keep your hope alive.

TRUST GOD. T.L Osborn once said that trust is ‘having unshakable faith even when events or circumstances are not understood.’ So just trust God, keep trusting him and be determined to go all the way with him even if events don’t turn out at the time you expect them to.

DISCOVER YOURSELF. You are not a product of some scientific research or chemical reaction in a lab. You were fearfully and wonderfully made by God to be like Him. You were created to solve a problem in this world. Have you discovered that solution you were created to provide? If not, why not?

DEVELOP YOURSELF. Are you waiting for an admission, a job or a spouse? Why not spend that time developing yourself. There are several ways you can do this: read books, attend seminars, listen to inspiring tapes, learn a skill, set goals for yourself and get excited about achieving them, etc.

PRAY. We often quote: the kingdom of God suffers violence and the violent takes it by force. This is one way you get it by force. Pray until something happens and something stops happening in your life. Pray all manner of prayers and pray for everything. Pray whether you feel like it or not.

GET THE RIGHT FRIENDS. Iron sharpens iron and deep can only call unto the deep. Let your residence be closer to the cross. Befriend people who share similar faith, values, vision and principles with you. Do not forsake the assembly of believers for that is where you get encouragement from.

DECLARE GOD’S WORD. You are a king! Therefore open your mouth and declare, for kings rule by decree. Check the bible for promises of God concerning your life and constantly declare them. If you diligently do this, it will become reality in your life

TIME MANAGEMENT

What’s your definition of time? What do you do with your time on a daily basis? How important is time to you?

Recently, I read a book by Dr. D.K. Olukoya (the General Overseer of the Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministry) titled: The Skeleton in your Grandfather’s Cupboard and I found these ten profound statements about time.

1.    Time wasted is knowledge lost

2.   If you don’t find time to do it right when you need to do it right, you may never find time to do it.

3.  
Time is the toughest of all judges because it won’t wait to hear your pleading

4.   Until you value time, you will not do anything with it

5.    Everything about your life is governed by time

6.   At the end of the day the question you would have to answer is how you spent your time

7.   If you kill your time, you injure eternity

8.   Time is life

9.   Anyone who is killing time is committing spiritual suicide

10.                  Yesterday is a cancelled check. Tomorrow is a promissory note and today is raw cash, but you have to use it wisely

The truth is that if we don’t learn how to spend our time wisely as singles, we may not do so when we eventually get married as Michael Altschuler says, the bad news is that time flies; the good news is you’re the pilot. So, here’s how to effectively manage your time.

HOW TO MANAGE TIME WISELY

1.     Identify and eliminate time wasters such as excessive TV, excessive internet surfing, procrastination, poor planning, indecision, interruptions, excessive gisting etc.

2.     Plan each day with a to-do list and stick to the list unless it is important to do otherwise

3.     Know your limits and learn to say no to some tasks

4.     Be self- disciplined, never leave till tomorrow what you can do today

5.     Always take something to do with you, for instance you could read some pages of a book while waiting in an office, or while in a bus

6.     Track your daily activities and prioritize

7.     Learn to delegate and outsource

8.     For meetings, ensure you have an agenda and send it out before the meeting day

9.     Avoid clutters at home and on your desk at work

10.  For phone calls, always plan your calls and what to say before making the call.

Finally, the essence of time management is to increase our efficiency and productivity and also reduce stress.

What is that important thing you have been procrastinating? Do it now! Lord, help us to redeem time and teach us to number our days so we may apply our heart to wisdom.

DISCOVER YOURSELF

the journey to self discovery begins with a step

 Our years as singles are as important to God as the married years. Most unmarried people at this point are youths with so much strength and ambition and God expects us to use this period to plan our future. It is believed that this phase symbolizes the morning of one’s life while old age symbolizes the night, so just as it is wise to work during the day, it is also wise to work at discovering oneself during the single years.

Self discovery is very important because it will open your eyes to see your strengths, weaknesses, as well as areas of your life that you need to work on. It also helps in building confidence about your potentials. What is more, self discovery will greatly help you in choosing your career, business and whom to marry.

How do you discover yourself? First, here are some questions you need to ask as you look inwards:

RULE 1: To THYSELF BE TRUE

1.    Describe yourself in one word

2.   What are your talents, gifts and skills?

3.   What are your weaknesses

4.   What aspect(s) of yourself do you want to improve on?

5.   What kind(s) of activities interest you the most? Why?

6.   If you were asked to make 3 wishes, what would they be?

7.   If you could turn back time, what would you have done / not done?

8.   Add 50 years to your current age and write it down (…), what would you be proud to have done with your life when you get to that age?

9.   How have you touched peoples’ lives?

10.                  Who inspires you? Why?

11.What message would you want to share with the world, if given a 5 minutes slot on CNN?

Sometimes, other people (family, friends, colleagues, etc) know us better than we do. It is not a bad idea if we ask them to assess us and give us feedback to help us improve our lives.

Here are some questions to ask as you look outwards to family members, friends, colleagues, etc

...Then you record a great distance

RULE 2: ACCEPT FEEDBACK IN GOOD FAITH

1.    Describe me in one word

2.   What gifts, abilities and talents do you see n me?

3.   What are my weaknesses?

4.   What are the areas in which I need improvement?

5.   What do you think I have potential to accomplish in life? Why do you think so?

6.   Mention moments when I disappointed you

7.   Mention moments when I made a positive impression on you

Aside from realizing your strengths, weaknesses and other benefits, the self discovery exercises will reveal some shocking truths about you and more especially, the perception others have of you. For some, you will strongly disagree, while you will be surprised at other revelations. Remember, the goal is to help you discover and work at improving yourself.

Lord help us to know our true worth in you.